Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Tempting the gods

Lately, and I mean within the last week, I have become a LOT more confident walking about town as Lucy. Something has happened to markedly reduce my self-consciousness. I've become rather cool and casual. I'm not minding a challenge, and I'm not caring about getting a curious look. I MUST be getting clocked, but I don't notice and it isn't bothering me. So I'm no longer avoiding groups of teenage girls or lounging builders (these previously filled me with panic). It can't be a direct effect of the hormones - I'm only a few days into them - but perhaps starting the medication has profoundly changed my outlook. I certainly feel I'm on my way now, and that I deserve to be taken seriously.

Maybe it's really a combination of several things:
• the hair is now long enough to be credibly girly. And I've just had it cut at a top salon in Brighton (Trevor Sorbie).
• I've stopped covering up: so if the sun is shining then it's just bootleg jeans, flats, a tight low-neckline top, and the handbag, and I look exactly like zillions of other girls. I'm completely exposed to scrutiny, but it's so non-furtive, and so what a nervous tranny wouldn't do. And I can get a tan.
• I've developed a natural, crisp but elegant female walk. (Highly pleased with this achievement!)
• I usually wear just a little makeup, to smooth out the face and make my eyes and lips slightly more interesting.
• I wear sunglasses if the exterior light level warrants it. The thing here is that these are not prescription sunglasses, and I can't see details. So I don't pick up subtle facial expressions that might disconcert me, and because of that I can walk about and enter shops and get quite close to people with an assurance I'd find very hard to credit even a month ago. OK, this is a trick technique, but it works for me.
• As mentioned in a previous blog, the Prada handbag is a vital confidence-booster, a touch of expensive glamour that says 'I may be a tranny, but I love beautiful things' and 'I'm worth it. You can't put me down'.
• Even the Nokia phone plays its part in 'normalising' my appearance. It's standard girly behaviour to go around clutching a phone and fiddling with it. And this one looks exactly right.
• Let's not forget little things like the watch, another helpful prop that shows up well on a bare arm.
• And finally, I've worked out how I will react if ever challenged. I won't bluff it out or get flustered. I'll smile, and explain straight away - with disarming frankness and candour - that I'm a transsexual, and convey by what I say (and how I say it) that I'm very pleased to be one. And that being a transsexual absolutely justifies the female clothes, female behaviour, and an especially positive, sunny approach to life. And (if I'm challeged in a ladies loo) I will explain how this is the ONLY toilet I can now use - mens toilets having become a dangerous no-go area.

Of course, all the above will sorely tempt the gods! So I may be tested to destruction at any moment. I'll let you know how I handle it, if I survive.